Rikichi's Chronicles
by Thirteenth-Spider
Summary: Rikichi, seminegligible 6th division member, discovers the obvious secret of his idolized vice captain, that Renji likes Rukia. With the help of Hanatarou and the other shinigamis, it's Rikichi to the rescue!
1. The Side I've Never Seen Before

**Rikichi's Chronicles**

_Disclaimer: BLEACH does not belong to me. It belongs to the great, almighty Kubo Taito-sama and the people who helped make it possible for him to make such a great work of art._

_Author's notes: For those who can't remember, Rikichi is that kid from the 6th division with semi-spiky black hair and a tattoo on his eyebrow. He is always shown being somewhere near Renji. He is NOT an original character._

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******Chapter 1: The Side I've Never Seen Before**

My name is Rikichi. I'm just a lackey in the sixth division, but I have really big dreams. Someday I'm going to be really strong and be one of the vice captains, just like my idol, Abarai-fukutaichou. He's the best! I'm also planning to have lots of cool tattoos but so far I only have one above my eyebrow. They're really expensive. I haven't reached shikai or anything special yet but that's ok. I'm still young, I'm not even a hundred years old, so I still have lots of time to improve.

It all started when my sempais ordered me to wake up Renji-san. I don't mind, they always order me around anyway. Besides, it gives me a chance to be nearer to my idol! So I crept into Renji-san's room with a bucket of water in hand. They said that he'd been drinking heavily last night with the other vice captains so I was prepared to do something drastic. "Renji-san," I called as I knelt beside him. "Renji-san, Kuchiki-taichou is calling for you."

Renji-san was mumbling something in his sleep. "Rukia… I… I…" He was blushing slightly as well. It was weird. It was a side of Renji-san I've never seen before.

"Renji-san," I called again, this time shaking him by the shoulders. "Renji-san, please wake up!" I had my bucket of water on my left hand just in case. What happened next is something I don't want to remember. I really don't want to remember! But it's important to the story! WAAAAHHHH! I'll tell you but first let me say this, I didn't like what happened! I didn't like it one bit!

R... Renji-san (who was still asleep) gripped me by the shoulders. A… and then he pulled me close and then… he… he… he wrapped his arms around me. He mumbled "Rukia… I've always wanted to tell you something… I… I…" And then he puckered his lips and AHHHHH! I can't take it anymore!

I'M SORRY RENJI-SAN!

I swung my bucket at him, hitting him hard on the face. It did manage to wake him up, screaming. "I'm sorry, Renji-san!" I apologized. I bowed so that he wouldn't get so mad at me. "But you wouldn't wake up and I…"

Abarai-fukutaichou didn't seem that mad at me. He was groaning and rubbing his temple. He was also soaking wet so I ran towards his drawer to fetch him a towel.

"Oi," he said. He took the towel from my hand and started to dry his hair.

"Yes, Renji-san?" I took his futon and spread it out over the window to dry.

"Why did you wake me up?"

"Ah! Kuchiki-taichou was calling for you," I answered as I wiped the floor dry.

"Rikichi," he called. His had stopped drying his hair but the towel was still draped over his head. "When you were waking me up did I say… do… anything weird?"

I didn't think that it was possible to choke on air but I did. "No sir," I lied. "You were sleeping like a baby."

"Oh," Renji-san. He had his head down but I could see that he was blushing. This side of him that I've never seen before, it's supposed to be cute but somehow it creeps me out. "Thank you, Rikichi. And if you don't mind, please get me some pills from the 4th Division. I've got a splitting head ache."

"No problem, fukutaichou," I said as I left. As I slid the door to his room shut that's when I realized… Renji-san likes Kuchiki-taichou's little sister.

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_Now that Rikichi has discovered his idol's secret, what will he do? For the sake of love and friendship, Rikichi is determined to act for Abarai-fukutaichou's happiness! (And so Abarai-fukutaichou won't commit scary drunk confession scenes with poor lower-seated shinigamis… brrr…) Rikichi's Chronicles starts now with the fourth division! What devious plot can come out from the seemingly innocent Fourth? What does Hanatarou know? What would Unohana do? Tune in for the next chapter! This has just been an introduction! Everybody RABU-RABU! _

_(Oh gods, that line was so lame…)_


	2. Best Friends

**Rikichi's Chronicles**

_Disclaimer: BLEACH does not belong to me. It belongs to the great, almighty Kubo Taito-sama and the people who helped make it possible for him to make such a great work of art._

_Author's notes: Finally, this story has acheived substance (somewhat)! This chapter was longer than I expected. And I don't care what people say, Hanatarou is mighty fine. Rowr_

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**Chapter 2: Conversations with the Best Friend: Yamada Hanatarou (4th Division)**

I met Hanatarou outside the 4th Division's Relief Center. He was sweeping the leaves from the pathway, which was pretty light compared to the other chores he usually does. Usually Hanatarou handles jobs like cleaning the Soul Society Sewers and jail cells, along with giving first aid to those who need it and circulating supplies around divisions. I once told him that the 4th Division really had it tough. He gave me one of his tired smiles and told me that you get used to it after some time. That he can handle doing all this plus the role he played on preventing Kuchiki Rukia's execution, Hanatarou's really strong. I'm so lucky to have him as a best friend.

"Ah! Rikichi-kun!" Hanatarou greeted when I waved at him. He pushed the leaves into a small pile and strapped his broom on his belt. I once joked that his broom was his zanpaktou but he seemed to have taken that seriously.

"Hanatarou-kun!" I greeted. "Renji-san sent me here to get some headache medicine, do you have any?"

"I have some right here," Hanatarou replied. He fished out his pill pouch from his knapsack and dropped a few pills on his hand. "What kind of headache is it?"

"I guess it's a hang-over," I said while scratching my neck. I was ashamed that I didn't ask Renji-san about the specifics of his headache but there's no point dwelling on that now.

"Oh," Hanatarou said. He singled out a small circular blue pill from his palm. "Then you need this. It's specifically prepared to cure hang-overs." He slipped all the other pills back in it's pouch and handed me the blue one.

"Thanks, Hanatarou-kun." I turned the pill around and noticed a cartoon skull drawn on it. Geh, this pill looks really suspicious. I looked at Hanatarou who was smiling expectantly at me. I sighed and put the pill on my pocket. Then I remembered something. I walked close to Hanatarou and looked around to see if anyone was around. "Ne, Hanatarou-kun, can I tell you something?"

"Sure, Rikichi-kun," Hanatarou said. "Go ahead." Just as expected from Hanatarou, he liked listening to other people's stories.

I leaned towards him and covered my mouth with my hand so people can't see what I'm saying. "I think Renji-san likes Kuchiki-taichou's little sister," I whispered.

"EHHH!" Hanatarou exclaimed. I glared. He covered his mouth with his hand and bowed in apology. "I've never noticed before. On the other hand, when Ichigo-san fought against Renji-san…"

"What is it? What is it?" I was excited with what Hanatarou had to say. "You were with that ryoka during that incident, right? Did you notice anything?"

"Uhm," Hanatarou nodded. "I did remember Renji-san telling Ichigo-san the story of his childhood after he got defeated. He said that he and Rukia-san were childhood friends."

"REALLY!" I couldn't help but exclaim. Then I remembered my decision to keep my discovery a secret and zipped my mouth shut. "What happened, Hanatarou-kun?" I whispered.

"Hmmmm… If I remember correctly, Rukia-san and Renji-san were both citizens of the 78th region. Rukia-san lived with Renji-san and the other kids there, and they grew up together. Life there was difficult and only the two of them survived so they decided to escape and become shinigamis together."

It sounded beautiful. It sounded perfect. Two children going through hardships together and finally deciding to be shinigamis together seemed like a scene from a shoujo manga. Ah! Shoujo mangas are kind of like romance picture books that Hanatarou told me about from Rukia-san's stories when she was still detained. "What happened next?" I asked.

"They got into Shinigami Academy together. Renji-san got into the special class and had really high grades. Then he found out that Rukia-san was going to be adopted by the Kuchiki family and that her rank as a shinigami was now assured. Rukia-san consulted Renji-san about the situation and…"

"And?"

"Renji-san told Rukia-san to go. I think, I think Rukia-san just wanted to be a shinigami with him but he told her to go. If he hadn't then maybe the two of them…"

"You're wrong!" I exclaimed. Hanatarou probably believes that it was Renji-san's fault. "I think Renji-san believed that being adopted into a noble family would make Rukia-san happy!"

"That's what he said too, but looking at it from Rukia-san's perspective…" Hanatarou started. He was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Ah, Hanatarou. Taking a break with your friend?" It was Unohana-taichou, captain of the Fourth Division with her vice-captain, Koutetsu Isane, right behind her. How do I describe Unohana-taichou? She exudes this motherly aura, and she's a really good healer. She's also nice and gentle to everybody… until you piss her off. One time, when the Eleventh Division almost trashed one of her wards, Hanatarou claimed that he saw an evil black aura loom from behind Unohana-taichou. I guess that's why Koutetsu-san is always nervous. I told Hanatarou about this, which made him laugh. He said that Koutetsu-san's always been like that, in contrast with her boisterous little sister. He also told us that he's thankful for Unohana-taichou's mean streak. If it weren't for that, the Fourth Division would have long been pulverized by the Eleventh. I guess that's true. The Fourth Division truly are amazing. Back to the story…

"Unohana-taichou!" I greeted with a bow. Hanatarou, on the other hand, was panicking.

"Ahhh! Taichou! I'm sorry! I'm sorry for slacking off! WAHHH! Don't kill me!" He was flailing around with his broom and bowing frantically.

"Uhm, Hanatarou-kun," Koutetsu-san said. "It's ok, we're not mad at you."

Hanatarou paused for a while. "Sorry," Hanatarou said, fidgeting. "It's a conditioned response."

"Have the boys from the Eleventh Division been bullying you again?" Unohana-taichou asked. Her voice was gentle and so was her smile but I saw it… the black aura. It made me feel really cold on the inside, and I'm not even part of the Eleventh Division!

"N… no Ma'am!" Hanatarou replied. "They haven't been… I mean, not more than usual… t… there's no need to be angry." Hanatarou looked around then grabbed his broom. "I'll be getting back to work now!"

"No, it's ok, Hanatarou. You can take a break." Unohana-taichou said. The previous cold, dark aura was gone, and I can feel motherly warmth emanating from her. Koutetsu-san was smiling as well, in her own gloomy way. Unohana-taichou sat by the steps and motioned for Koutetsu-san to fetch some tea. She smiled as Koutetsu-san ran off. "I do believe you were talking about Abarai-kun's admiration for Rukia-san, am I right?"

I almost fell over in shock. How did she find out? Hanatarou dropped his broom on his foot and was now running around frantically screaming "La la la la, we didn't say anything! Lalalalalalalala"

Unohana-taichou laughed a little. "Calm down, Hanatarou, Rikichi. I've known about it for a long time. Oh, thanks for the tea, Isane." Koutetsu-san handed us each a cup before taking a seat beside her captain. "I believe you want to help them get together, am I right, Rikichi?"

"Yes, Unohana-taichou." I took a sip of tea. Hanatarou was right, Koutetsu-san does make the best tea in SeiReiTei. "But I'm curious. How did you find out, Unohana-taichou?"

"As a healer, I get to examine people closely all the time," she explained. "And it's always been pretty obvious when it comes to Abarai-kun's feelings. It's Rukia-san's that I'm not so sure of."

The pretty obvious part stung a bit since I do go out of my way sometimes to be close to Renji-san (despite the occasional beatings he gives me). I guess it showed because Koutetsu-san said "Don't worry Rikichi-kun. Maybe it's because Kuchiki-taichou is close by that's why he tends to hide his feelings more with people in the same division." That made a lot of sense to me. I relaxed. And then she asked…

"By the way, Rikichi-kun, how did you find out about Abarai-san's feelings for Rukia-san?"

That question made me spit out my tea. I could feel everybody's eyes on me. "I… I…" I couldn't talk. It was too traumatizing. Hanatarou shot me a hurt look, he's probably mad at me for keeping something from him. I tried to smile.

Unohana-taichou laughed again. It was the same laugh but it felt a bit more mischievous. "Rikichi, come here and give me that pill Hanatarou gave you." I did so. She put the pill in her pocket and fished out a similar pill, except it was a slightly darker shade of blue. "Give this to Abarai-kun instead."

Hanatarou and Koutetsu-san looked closely at the pill. "Unohana-taichou! You don't mean-" Koutetsu-san exclaimed. Hanatarou was pointing at the pill, jittering uncontrollably.

"It will give Abarai-kun a slight fever," Unohana-taichou said confidently. "I've seen lots of relationships form with my nurses and their patients, unprofessional as it may seem. Maybe it will work for the two of them as well."

"Unohana-taichou, are you sure about this?" Koutetsu-san asked. A smile from Unohana-taichou was enough to silence her. I pocketed the pill and bowed.

"Thank you, Unohana-taichou." I placed the teacup back on it's tray. "The tea was delicious, Koutetsu-san." I looked at Hanatarou. He looked at Unohana-taichou. She nodded, then Hanatarou looked at me. He nodded as well, which meant that he had the rest of the day off. (Later, Unohana-taichou gave him the the next few weeks off to deal with his bullies but that's another story.) "We'll be going now!" I said. I ran off with Hanatarou, eager to give Renji-san his "headache medicine".

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_Saa minna-san! Looks like the Fourth Division isn't as harmless as they seem! What's in store for Rukia and Renji's relationship? How slight is a slight fever? It's the first plot in a series of attempts to get Renji to confess his feelings! Confess, damn it! It's been forty years! Will it be forty-one years? Forty-two? Fifty? One thousand seven hundred and twenty? Rikichi and Hanatarou to the rescue! Tune in for the next crack chapter of Rikichi's chronicles! Wait, Rukia can cook, right? Oh no! Renji-kun, don't die!_

_(I feel like Urahara in these previews… although lazycat8 said that "everybody RABU-RABU" sounds like a drunk Kyoraku…)_

_(lazycat8 is my first reviewer! She shall receive my love! Lovely lovely lazycat8 -) _


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